Ever ask yourself “what’s the matter with me?” I’m sat here in Leytonstone, having just done the school run, looking at a man steal food left by strangers for another man who is fast asleep beside an Argos. I am feeling anxious and miserable. But why?
This week marks the 10th anniversary of my last chemo. I know, it doesn’t make any sense. It should be a time of celebration. I’m alive, healthy, have a lovely home, loving wife and two gorgeous kids but…
I feel like shit.
All the darkness of six months not knowing whether I will live or die have come back and it hurts. This may well be a bit deep for those who are used to me being happy clappy and all that. Maybe you should stop reading now ?. I am not sure whether it’s because I am a control freak or whatever but…. To make it worse I have convinced my drive team to allow me to do a different aspect of cancer every day this week.
10 years ago I blogged my experience you can find it here www.bbc.co.uk/london/content/articles/2007/05/22/eddie_nestor_column_feature.shtml , I knew many people had it and kept it secret. That is their right. I also knew people who needed to talk and share. I wanted them to do that.
I remember I promised God that if I survived, I would do something for charity every year. I hope climbing Kilimanjaro, jumping from a plane, running the London marathon, getting a six pack and in 2018 doing Tough Mudder will mean I’ve kept my part of the bargain.
I always thought (if I got here) this week was going to be a celebration. Didn’t know the pain was still going to be there. So if you know someone whose had cancer don’t ignore it or treat them like a pariah. It will impact 1 in 2 people. Talking about it may help save someone’s life. The earlier its diagnosed, the better your chance of survival and that’s great. Just wish that’s how I felt.
